I am afraid

For my friendship with a certain woman. I think, of all the women in my life, that have been, are, or will be, I would still choose her. So you could say I am terribly in love with her. And why wouldn’t I be? She is beautiful, beyond words, she is smart, she is funny, she is caring. All this and more. But, indeed, we are only friends, and for this relationship I fear. You see, I have a tendency to complain to her about how much “beautiful women and relationships” depress me. And she is both: a beautiful woman, in a relationship. With a great guy, I can’t say a word against him. But imagine having a friend who constantly implies how much you make him sad. No one wants to be in such a relationship, even if you are just friends.

I believe now, though I must admit my state of mind isn’t the greatest, that the girl I’ve had much heartache over for the past year or so was just a distraction. A distraction I created for myself to try to forget about this girl I’m writing about now. A lovely distraction, to be sure, and I do not write this in any ill-will at all. In fact I wish her well, and I wish her farewell. Our paths went to the same direction for a while, but it is clearly not to be. At least that’s what I think may be the case. But to be frank, I do not really know. It seems so.

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